My husband and I  zigzagged up the side of the mountain in Zion National Park, Utah.  We pulled to a stop behind a long line of cars waiting to take their turn through the Zion Mt. Carmel Tunnel.  Just over a mile long the narrow tunnel was built in the late 1920’s and completed in 1930.  Waiting in line behind the other cars I could see the smaller than usual entrance to the dark tunnel.  I felt the fear building up.  I looked longingly at the turn-around right before the tunnel.  But, my husband seemed thrilled to be showing me the tunnel so I squelched the fear.  I had driven through many tunnels, this one would be no different.  For once I didn’t mind waiting in line, but too soon we pulled forward behind the car ahead of us and began inching through the tunnel.  Fear pulled at me, I pushed back.  I could do this.  The light at the end of the tunnel brought a little relief and soon we drove out into the open.  We crawled past the line of cars waiting to return the opposite way through the tunnel looking for a place to turn around and join the line going back through the tunnel.

Thinking of my husband, who I know doesn’t like to wait in lines, I suggested we find another way back to our camp site.  My husband pointed out that it would take two hours to return by another road, it would make the most sense to go back through the tunnel.  I agreed.  It made no sense to spend two hours driving when we could make a quick turn around and drive through the tunnel.  Fear came at me again, I fought back and he retreated, but taunted me from his corner.

Brett found a place to turn around and joined the end of the line of cars waiting to go through the tunnel in the opposite direction.  The park rangers directed the cars through the entrance of the tunnel.  Once again it was our turn too soon.  Brett pulled into the darkness. I lived for the small windows built into the side of the tunnel that over looked the edge of the mountain.  The added light and space it created kept fear just far enough away to keep me emotionally stable.   We pulled out of the tunnel into the sunshine and I had just begun to mentally congratulate myself on holding it all together when a raging storm hit me and engulfed me in its downpour.  I sobbed along with it, I shook and huddled in the corner of the front seat.  My poor husband pulled over to the side of the road and did his best to comfort me.  He didn’t know what was wrong and having never experienced a full blown claustrophobia episode before I hardly knew how to explain.

Road trips now presented a new challenge.  Avoiding an upcoming tunnel was not always possible, but my husband did his best to alleviate my fears.  Once he backed up onto the freeway from an exit just to avoid a tunnel.  Another time a hotel we had reservations at was just the other side of a long tunnel, but since I couldn’t pull it together enough to get through it he looked at the map and drove an hour out of our way.  After checking in at a hotel I could either decide to ride up to our room in the elevator with my husband and daughter or take the stairs.

We live on the east coast, my daughter lives in Seattle, WA.  She planned a wedding which I needed to attend, but I couldn’t fly due to my claustrophobia so I would need to drive.  The wedding was planned for a date just after school started so my husband, a teacher, would not be able to take much time off from work to attend.  I would need to take our seven-year old daughter and make the 3000 mile road trip alone.  He would fly out later and drive back with me.

My sister lives in Colorado so I planned to cover the 1600 miles from my house to hers in the first two days on the road.  I planned to leave early my first day of driving, but was not pleased when I woke up at 3:30am unable to go back to sleep.  Annoyed, I finally got up, picked up a devotional book by Sarah Young and read a short devotional that encouraged me to remember the constant presence of Jesus through out the day and suggested saying, ‘Jesus is with me’ when surrounded by the trials of the day.

Right on schedule at 7am Brett loaded my stuff into the car, said a prayer for us, and we began our journey.  Just a month before we had made a trip to Michigan and inadvertently driven through a long tunnel which had caused me to pull over immediately after the tunnel while I got out of the car and sobbed, shook and hyperventilated.   I looked at the map and knew I would be going the same general direction, but since I couldn’t remember exactly where the tunnel was located I assumed I was not traveling on the road with the tunnel.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  A few hours down the road and the tunnel loomed in front of me.  With nothing else to do I headed into the tunnel expecting the fear to envelop me.  I felt nothing until half way through the tunnel.  I remembered my morning devotional and began to repeat, “Jesus is with me.”  The fear dissipated and I pulled out of the tunnel slightly shaken, but amazed at the lack of an emotional reaction.  That night at the hotel, I stepped onto the elevator and watched the door close while Aspen pushed the button for the third floor without giving it a second thought outside of, “Wow, this is great!”

I enjoyed a two days visit with my sister and spent another two days of marathon driving to Seattle.  After nearly 3000 miles on the road I headed into Seattle.  I saw a tunnel loom ahead of me.  Almost excited to see if I would make it through without suffering a claustrophobic reaction I drove into the tunnel.  Traffic moved slowly at 5pm.  I sighed with relief when I reached the other side in one emotional piece.  The tunnel exited out onto a long bridge.  Driving slowly with the traffic I looked out over the water and watched the boats in the mist.  I was nearly across the bridge before I saw another tunnel at the end of it.  Traffic moved faster this time and I exited the tunnel in complete amazement.  I no longer felt fear driving through a tunnel, I felt peace.  I felt the presence of God with me.

My husband called me at bed time.  I told him about the tunnels and he felt bad he hadn’t been there for me.  I told him about my experience.  He said, “You must have prayed about that a lot.”  I said, “Well, I did mention it, but not often and not at the moment that my claustrophobia disappeared.”

I don’t know why God chose to answer this prayer now.  I have other prayers at the top of my list and other prayers that come after those.  The prayer request for my claustrophobia to disappear didn’t make either of those lists, and I only recall randomly mentioning it a few times.  But God in His perfect timing, which I don’t understand, chose to answer it ahead of my most pressing prayer requests.

It has been almost three months since my claustrophobia disappeared.  I didn’t realize until then how claustrophobia had affected my life, even though I did not have a full blown claustrophobia experience until I was 45.   All of my life I had felt uncomfortable in elevators, airplanes, rooms without windows, being downtown in a large city with tall buildings, small rooms, dark rooms, tunnels, any room crowded with people, riding in the back of a bus or van.  It made meeting people and carrying on a conversation in a crowded room next to impossible as I was just trying to cope with my unexplainable fear and my need to get out of the room.  Now that I am no longer claustrophobic, I feel as though I have been set free.  I  marvel at being able to step on an elevator with out a feeling of dread.  I have been set free.

I do not have an answer to today’s title.  I have no magic formula to have your prayers answered.   God is so big we can’t reduce him to a formula.  But, I do believe that when you are in the presence of God, His perfect love casts out all fear.  God’s perfect love casts out all fear and replaces it with perfect peace.  I have read plenty of self help books.  I spent my entire life squelching down the fear myself.  But, nothing compares to not having the fear.  Nothing compares to that kind of freedom.  All my knowledge, all my working to keep the fear away, did nothing to make the fear go away.  When I drove through the tunnel and repeated, “Jesus is with me,” I was looking to Jesus, not myself.  It is only in the presence of the love of God that we can have peace in every situation.

15) If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.  16) And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17) This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.  1 John 4:15-18

“Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.”  Ephesians 3:20

I nearly titled todays blog post, “Why I Think Jesus Would Attend A Gay Wedding.”  But, I didn’t want to sound like a sensationalist.  I also considered titling it “How Much God Loves Us”, but the love of God seems so cliché these days.

While many religious people would not attend a gay wedding, I believe that Jesus would because His religion is love.  He laid down His life for all sinners.  Why would he put down His love and pick up a club of hate against gays?  It makes no sense to picture Jesus standing outside a gay wedding holding a sign that says, “God hates gays”.

“Jesus was a forward thinker.”  This quote was part of a Facebook comment my daughter made on my last blog post.  Yes, Jesus was and still is a forward thinker.  He did not live a status quo life.  He didn’t just go with the popular thinking of the day.  Yet, He was still a popular person.  He didn’t hate anyone, but He certainly was hated by the religious leaders of His time.  He healed many, but in the end His body was broken.

He was born a carpenter’s son.  That made Him a carpenter by trade.  But, He knew who His real Father was in heaven.  He knew He wasn’t born to live the status quo life of a carpenter and die a carpenter  No.  He knew he needed to die a Savior.  He knew He needed to create new hearts, not new furniture.

He wasn’t afraid to go against the popular thinking of the time, even His disciples who spent the most time with Him couldn’t seem to grasp that in order to save the world He must die.  Not live and strike down their enemies.

It’s easy to live a status quo Christian life even when we spend time with Jesus.  Self reigns supreme and to die to it crosses every natural instinct of self-preservation that we have.  When someone wrongs us we feel we have every right to stand up, fight and strike down our enemies.  But, to follow the example of Christ we must crucify self and treat them with love.  Love; it’s probably the most talked about, most widely accepted teaching of Christ and yet the least often practiced.

Seeking after love that doesn’t come from God is like going into a  jewelry store and plunking down $10,000 for a 1 carat cubic zirconia diamond ring.  It mostly resembles the real thing, but we are still left wanting the real thing.

Imagine a young woman who has received a 1 carat cubic zirconia diamond ring from her boyfriend.  She knows it’s not real, but she wants it to be.  She accepts it and wears it to work the next day. She shows it off to her co-workers who ooooh and ahhhhh over her new diamond ring.  They know it’s not real.  She knows its’ not real, but it’s status quo to go along with the flow.   So we agree it’s beautiful, after all none of our friends have ever had the real thing.  Everyone shows up with a cubic zirconia diamond engagement ring.  We are not even sure it is possible to have a real diamond.  Real diamonds are something people talk about, but never really seem to have.  We seem to catch glimpses of real diamonds, but generally they seem elusive, something someone else has.

Real love is something people talk about but never really seem to have.  Real love is selfless.  Not based on preconceived conditions of what I need or want.  It puts the other persons needs first.  The only way I can have that kind of love is when I accept God’s love for me.  Then like a plant, planted in God’s love, His love will automatically bloom from me, it’s fragrance creating beauty and peace.  God didn’t love me because I was good, He loves me because I am His child.  Selfish love is conditional.  It’s easy to love someone when they do what we like for us.  But, the minute the person we love no longer meets our description of love for us then we reject them and move on to search for love elsewhere.   We look at love selfishly, it is something we want and need.  But, true love is selfless, because true love comes from God.

When I accept God’s love into my heart, I can proverbially give away millions and millions of dollars worth of real diamonds and never run out.  I don’t have to be selfish and stingy with my diamonds.  I don’t have to hold tightly to my cubic zirconia’s and only give them to people I feel deserve them.   When I accept the free diamonds from God I will always be plenty to give away to everyone.

So back to my original title for today’s post: Why Jesus Would Go To A Gay Wedding.  He would go to a gay wedding because He has the love of His father in His heart for us.  Nothing can stop it.  It’s real.  Unselfish.  Unconditional.  Unstoppable.  And it never ends.  It doesn’t end when I sin against God, it doesn’t begin when I do the right things.  It always has been, always is, and always will be.  Because, God is Love.

My daughter got married recently.  Rande is a sweet girl and I really like her new wife, Britney.  Yes, I did say Britney.  Yes, I am a Christian.  Yes, I believe that the gay life style is a sin.  The Bible calls it a sin along with lying, stealing, and being sexually immoral in general, among other things(1 Corinthians 6:9-10).  I did go to the wedding.   I love my daughter and this was a big moment in her life.  I wasn’t going to miss it.  I believe that if Jesus were physically present in Seattle that Friday night He would have been at Rande and Britney’s wedding as well.  Why? Because He loves them.  Even more than I do.  He calls their life style a sin, but He still loves them.  He also loves the people who bash gays with the Club of Christianity.

I don’t generally tell people my daughter is a lesbian.  It wouldn’t set real well with the type of people I usually meet.  So why do I continue to hang out with these kinds of people?  Well, the way I see it, why should I give up my relationship with my best friend Jesus, just because of a few wolves in sheep’s clothing who attend church the same time I do.

There seems to be a belief among non-believers that Christians serve God out of fear.  Now when I was a much younger person, I would have to say that idea held some merit.  I grew up with the general idea that God wanted me to be good and if I wasn’t good I would go to hell rather than heaven.  So I wanted to be good so I wouldn’t go to hell, but at the same time God always held an attraction to me.  So why am I a Christian now?  Am I good enough after all these years for Him to love me?  NO!  A thousand times no. But, now I know He loves me anyway.  I have learned over the years through many starts and stops, ups and downs, twists and turns that the best place to be and the best thing to be doing is be where and and do what God created me to do for Him.  He is the only source of true love, the only one who puts my best interests first.  Why would I want anything else?  If He loves me anyway, despite my starts and stops, ups and downs and twists and turns, then He also loves LGBT’s.

And the people who hate them.

And child molesters.

And He loves the person who cut you off in traffic this morning.

He loves the person who lied about you.

He loves the waitress that didn’t get your order right.

People who don’t have a personal understanding of a loving God pick up the Club of Christianity and use it to beat others because it makes them feel better about themselves.  If they haven’t come to comprehend the truth that God loves them despite their faults then they are living with the guilt of never being good enough.  One  way they utilize to feel better about themselves is to set themselves up as ‘better than’.  They rationalize to themselves: I may lie, I may be a porn addict, or I may have had an affair, and all this makes me feel guilty; but those gay people are worse than I am and I am going to let them know it.  When I put them down they will know that I am better than they are, all my friends will know that I am better than they are and maybe even God will notice that I am better than them.

Pride and self are the hardest things to give up to God.  We know we should give up lying, we should give up stealing, and we should love everyone; but we can’t seem to do it on our own.  The only way we can truly give up any desire to do things against God is to give up self.  Which means giving up what we want to do for what He wants us to do.    Sharing love rather than hate.

Many years ago a young woman told me how she had spent hours the night before when she went to bed fighting off the call God was giving her to serve Him.  She said it was the hardest thing she had ever done.  I think she said she turned the music up  loud  to do her best to drown out that voice and held onto the slats on the headboard doing her best to ignore the voice of God calling her.  I’ve seen this person over the years go back and forth between attending church and living the night life at bars taking a different guy home every night.  She has been married three times, broke up at least two marriages and slept with at least two married men.  I still know this person, I know her self-righteous hatred of gays, her vindictiveness, her pathological ability to lie.  I look back and wonder how different her life may have been if she would have committed her life to God that night.  She might be spreading His love rather than her hate.

Is Jesus calling you today to put down your Club of Christianity?  Is He calling you to give up your carefully crafted world based on your own selfish pride?  Are you too good to love a gay person?  Jesus gave up his throne in a perfect heaven to come live with people just like those who some people love to hate.

He died for the LGBT’s.

He died for the people who hate LGBT’s.

He died for the child molester.

He died for the person who cut you off in traffic this morning.

He died for the person who lied about you.

He died for the waitress who got your order wrong.

He died for the people who killed Him.

He died for you.